5 Reasons Why Finding a Therapist is Hard

Everyone agrees it’s important it is to find the right therapist, but no one really talks about how hard that process actually is. Sure, there are the obvious barriers: great therapy can be very expensive, insurance is confusing, and some providers are booked out for months. But even beyond those logistical hurdles, there are deeper, more frustrating reasons why finding a truly good therapist is so difficult.

Some of them are baked into the system. Others are quietly happening behind the scenes. And most people have no idea.

Here are 5 little considered reasons why the search is often harder than it should be.

1. Therapy is a Private Experience

When someone finds an amazing new restaurant, they’ll often post about it, text a friend, maybe even write a glowing review. But when someone finds a really good therapist? Most people stay quiet.

That’s not because therapy isn’t impactful. It’s because the experience is personal and feels too private to share. The breakthroughs, the healing all happen behind closed doors. And you don’t exactly want your HOA president seeing the same therapist as you. So while excellent therapy DOES happen every day, it’s not something you’ll hear people bragging about as much as maybe their favorite salon

2. Biased Opinions

What does get attention? Bad feelings. Frustrated clients. Stories of therapists who didn’t seem to care, didn’t respond the “right” way, or didn’t make someone feel better fast enough. Some of those complaints are absolutely valid. Others come from confusion about what therapy is supposed to be.

For example, therapists who work with personality disordered clients expect a few bad reviews. A client unhappy about a diagnosis of Narcissism or Factitious Disorder may become rageful and vindictive, posting that their therapist “misdiagnosed” them. Meanwhile, a client who’s credits a therapist with saving their life shares a thank you through tears— face-to-face only, of course because an online post would risk their job. The public narrative is often shaped by who feels safest being loud rather than who is most benefited.

3. Fake Reviews

Then there are the reports that are simply untrue. Unfortunately, fake reviews are a real thing and therapists are pretty powerless to do anything about them.

In fact, therapists aren’t permitted to defend themselves at all online. Federal privacy laws such as HIPAA prevent them from responding to reviews or even acknowledging that someone was or was not ever a client. Their ethical boards discourage them from asking clients directly for reviews. And of course, there is no way to verify whether a post is truthful. Sadly, what ends up online is heavily skewed. Quiet, steady progress rarely makes it into the public view.

4. Industry Drama

There’s also another side to the mental health field that most clients aren’t aware of. Behind the scenes, competition can be fierce. Remember, many therapists get into the field because of their own serious mental health issues and under pressure, their pathology can cause serious problems. It’s not uncommon for therapists who feel threatened by a more experienced or confident colleague to make active attempts to block referrals through gossip, subtle undermining with shared clients, or writing disparaging reviews. In some circles, it starts to look a lot like high school. The “mean girls” didn’t disappear, they just got licensed. And in these cliques, it’s less about collaboration and more about control and territory. It’s unfortunate (and embarrassing for our industry!) but it happens and it can be a serious barrier for clinicians who are actually doing the most informed, effective work.

5. Popularity vs Competence

Another issue is the most skilled therapists definitely aren’t online influencers. They’re not chasing followers or likes, posting multiple dances and quirky role-plays. They suck at keeping up their page because they’re doing solid, evidence-based work with real clients…quietly, consistently, and without a comments section. Just because a therapist has a ton of likes and followers doesn’t mean they can actually help someone get out of bed in the morning or improve their depression. While personality is important, it’s not the entire picture, and training and experience matter. Remember: Popularity is NOT the same as competence.

So with all of the issues and barriers, how’s a person to find a legitimately great therapist?

That’s where we come in. At PSYCHē, we actually know what to look for and how to separate the expert from the crowd. We know the platforms that actually matter, and which ones just reward popularity. We ask the right questions—the ones that reveal whether someone actually knows what they’re doing. We also pay attention to how they manage stress and complexity in real time, not just how they describe themselves on paper. How? Because we’ve met and managed multiple therapists of all kinds—and sometimes learned these lessons the hard way.

So if therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, it’s not necessarily a reflection of you or even the idea of therapy itself. It might’ve just been a bad match.

We can change that.